Is Your Child Really Listening? How to Communicate So They Understand

Easy ways to build better conversations and reduce shouting

As parents, we’ve all been there: you ask your child to do something, and they just stare blankly at you. It feels like you're speaking to a wall, and suddenly, your frustration takes over. But what if the problem isn't them—not really listening—but how we’re communicating?

The truth is, kids often tune out because we’re not connecting in ways they can truly understand. Here are simple, effective strategies to improve communication and foster better listening without the shouting.

Why Kids Don’t Listen (And What We Can Do About It):

1. Too Much Talking
   We might overwhelm them with long explanations. Kids, especially younger ones, have shorter attention spans. Instead of rambling, be clear and concise.
   Tip: Keep it short and sweet. “Please put your shoes on” is much more effective than a 5-minute speech about why shoes are important.

2. Speaking at the Wrong Moment
   Kids tend to tune out when they’re distracted—whether they’re playing, watching TV, or busy with something else. Timing matters!
   Tip: Get their attention first. Make eye contact and wait until they’re engaged before giving instructions.

3. Lack of Connection
   If you're always giving commands without conversation, children can feel like they’re just following orders, not being listened to.
   Tip: Engage in casual chats to bond. Ask them how their day was, or talk about something they’re interested in before diving into tasks.

4. Tone of Voice
   A harsh or impatient tone often leads to kids shutting down. Shouting may get immediate results, but it doesn’t teach them to listen calmly.
   Tip: Use a calm, steady voice. Kids are more likely to respond when they feel respected.

5. Unclear Expectations
   Kids won’t listen if they don’t fully understand what you want from them. Clear, direct instructions are key.
   Tip: Be specific. Instead of saying, “Clean your room,” try, “Please pick up your toys and put them back in the basket.”

6. Model Active Listening
   If you want them to listen to you, it’s important to show them how. Practice active listening yourself—make eye contact, repeat what they say, and show you’re engaged.
   Tip: When they talk, stop what you’re doing, look at them, and respond thoughtfully. You’ll be setting a great example.

7. Positive Reinforcement
   Instead of focusing on what they’re doing wrong, acknowledge when they’re doing something right. Positive feedback encourages them to keep listening and following directions.
   Tip: “Thank you for putting your shoes on without me asking twice!”

A New Approach to Better Conversations:

Start small by making these adjustments one at a time. When kids feel heard, they’re more likely to listen in return. Build your communication skills by being clear, kind, and patient, and watch how it transforms your relationship and your home environment.